Rachel De Silva

2009-02-16T19:24:00.002+08:00

hello!

whoa, haven't blogged in what seems like ages. anyway! changes, changes, and i'm moving over to lj. i prefer the privacy there, so i don't have to think about what i want to say and who could potentially be reading.

this year's been going rather good. think i've matured quite a bit. things get complicated, but overall, everything's awesome. love my family, love my friends, enjoying my job (intern at law firm ftw! white shirts&pencil skirts&"Your Honour, may I request the permission for a student attachee, Rachel De Silva?"). basically, my life's going great, the people in my life are keepers fosho, so what else can i really ask for?

so yes, jumping jumping. i'd tell you where, but my entries are locked to varying degrees anyway.

love&peace y'all! hope your life's awesome too (:

2009-01-30T00:03:00.002+08:00

I LIKE DOING THIS ITUNES SHUFFLE THING!

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Moving Mountains - Usher

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Before I Knew Better - Sara Bareilles

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Breathless - Corinne Bailey Rae (at some points, heh)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Money Honey - State of Shock (tche, am not.)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Lollipop - Ben Kweller (haha, quite cute!)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Crushcrushcrush -Paramore (uhh...)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Sign, Sealed, Delivered (I'm Yours) - Stevie Wonder (sorta, kinda.)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Choux Pastry Heart - Corinne Bailey Rae

WHAT IS 2+2?
Whatever You Like - T.I. (HAHA!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Won't Go Home Without You - Maroon 5 (different homes, no worries.)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Sunday Morning - No Doubt (nolahhh.)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Breathe Me - Sia (eh, my life isn't emo.)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Lithium - Evanescence (right, I want to be a chemical.)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Impacto - Daddy Yankee ft. Fergie (COOL.)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Run&Tell That - Elijah Kelly

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
First Date - Blink 182 (quite cool!)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Big Girls Don't Cry - Fergie (aiyo.)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
We Ride - Rihanna (ride what? no license)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Understand - Joss Stone

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Temperature - Sean Paul (-.-)

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Diary - Alicia Keys (interesting COD.)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Give It To Me - Timbaland ft. Nelly Furtado&Justin Timberlake

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Make Me Better - Ne-yo (makes me happy, not exactly funny though.)

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Cyclone - Baby Bash (literally, maybe.)

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
If I Never See Your Face Again - Maroon 5 ft. Rihanna (not that kinda girl.)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Here With Me - Michelle Branch (ooh.)

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Survivor - Destiny's Child (not an answer.)

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Lost - Michael Buble

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Say It Right - Nelly Furtado

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Extraordinary Girl - Green Day

2009-01-26T00:46:00.002+08:00

They say nice guys finish last-
I heard that's when they save the best for.

2009-01-18T19:58:00.002+08:00

Went to the plant nursery with my parents this morning after church. The place was mostly hot&boring, except for when we went into the Cold Room- they keep all my favorite flowers in there!

Gerberas in bright yellow, red&orange;
deep-purple Pom Poms with white tips&green cores;
Tulips that were mostly yellow, but with a tinge of red at the base;
soft-petal, soft-pink Freesias;
clusters of sky-blue Periwinkles;
Sunflowers that were daintier, but equally sunshine-yellow, than the usual huge ones.

Dad offered to buy some for me, but my room still looks like a tornado hit it, so I didn't get any yet. I have to clear my room before I start work, so I can get my fish in a wide-mouthed, blue-pebble-bottomed vase to put on my table.

As we were walking about the Cold Room, I was busily telling my dad about how I want to get married under a timber trellis, with twine&vines&dotted with sunflowers. The only roses there would be at the wedding will be in petal-form- some for the flower girls, some for the centre pieces- but other than that, they are quite overrated. Instead, there would be all the other flowers as mentioned above, especially the ones that are bright! There would be lots of bright colours- yellows, oranges, reds- cos weddings are supposed to be happy ocassions! &the dinner would be under a large, white marquee(:

After I was done narrating everything in detail, Dad looked at me with a smile that plainly said- who do you think will foot the bill?

Money, money, money,
Must be funny,
In a rich man's world.
(I want to be in on the joke.)

2009-01-13T22:20:00.001+08:00

so bored that I've resorted to tagging people in my older albums who've just recently joined fb. but it's starting to bring back memories (:

2009-01-06T00:42:00.003+08:00

Looking through the photo albums filled with pictures from when we were younger- when we were more carefree&things were simple, so we could take each day as it came&embracing it whole-hearted as it did- sometimes makes me wish we never grew up, so time couldn't push us onto different paths&we could live that way forever.

But I suppose the fact that it lasted only four short years makes me treasure those times even more, &work to keep that spirit alive in some part of all of us.

<3

2009-01-01T23:40:00.002+08:00

HELLO ALL :D

It's 2009, wow.

2008 was filled with a wider range of more intense emotions than I've ever experienced in such a span of time. But for every low came a high, &I learned just how lucky I am to have family&friends who care so much for me, &whom I can love intensely even though their eccentricities may drive me a bit mad sometimes. I've learned to see things for what they are, not for what I want them to be- which was a tough lesson to learn, at a tough time to learn hard lessons, too. But lessons need to be learnt, the more difficult circumstances will just etch it more strongly in my mind.

But let's not dwell too much on what's already happened when there's a new year to look forward to! A fresh, clean start- carrying forward all the love&goodness to begin this year right, leaving the bitter/sad stuff behind in the previous year as reminders.

&the way 2009 was ushered in? (:

-

Chances are, you won't be reading my blog, but nonetheless, my condolences to you&your family, Kah Ray. We'll be here for you.

2008-12-30T00:09:00.000+08:00

2008-12-28T22:36:00.003+08:00

I'm too lazy to upload anymore- these are some photos from Japan. Actually, they're mostly about the people I spent the trip with. It was fun, but I'm quite happy it's over cos it was too cold for my liking&familial overexposure happens to everyone!

The rain&wind, &thus the resultant chill, wasn't enough to keep us off the rides in DisneyLand, Tokyo. Everyone got wet on this ride, save for Nic&myself :D My brother is actually sitting next to me, but is completely blocked out by our hands, haha!

Fuzz refuses to ever take a proper photo when I ask. I mostly have to stun him with the camera, though he's quite used to that so he doesn't fall for it much anymore.

The colours of autumn/winter (:

I sucked at this ride. Don't be deceived by what looks like good weather- this picture was taken when the rain stopped in the late afternoon.

Da Fam- Ian Aunt Mum Dad Myself.
Please excuse my puffy face&bad hair- I do not react well to the cold, I think it confounds my body system.

-

3 more days to the end of the year, &I have no idea what I'm doing on NYE, if anything. Eek.

2008-12-19T22:41:00.002+08:00

You could hear a collective swoon when Robert Pattinson (ie. Edward Cullen) first appeared on the movie screen, &at first I thought they were just fangirls at it again. But as the movie progressed, you realise why they're swooning.

Gotta remember that Edward Cullen is a fictional character, &boys aren't built that way in real life. But that powerful attraction&chemistry could be real, though.

Hey, a girl can dream.

2008-12-18T23:27:00.002+08:00

HELLO! I'M BACK! :D

actively thawing. will be covering up the legs for a bit since they've been attacked by rash during the trip (omgwtf, I know).

2008-12-05T13:15:00.002+08:00

525,600 minutes-
525,600 moments so dear.
525,600 minutes-
How do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
In 525,600 minutes-
How do you measure, measure a year?
How about love? How about love? How about love?

Measure in love-
Seasons of Love.

525,600 minutes-
525,000 journeys to plan
525,600 minutes-
How do you measure the life of a woman or a man?
In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried.
In bridges he burned, or the way that she died.

It's time now to sing out, though the story never ends
Let's celebrate, remember, a year in the life of Friends
Remember the love? Remember the love? Remember the love.

Measure in Love-
Seasons of Love.

2008-12-03T21:22:00.002+08:00

Found an old, mini photo album with pictures of my family in Perth&cycling in ECP, I was around 8. I have rediscovered why nobody will see pictures of me prior to post-makeover Secondary School age.

People who've seen me (or pictorial evidence of me) prior to that, please shut up, thank you! (:

2008-12-03T15:09:00.002+08:00

I feel like
I'm drowning in the ocean
Somebody come and take me awayyy

Oh oh-oh-oh oh ohhh
Why'd you have to go-oh
Away from ho-ome
ME LOVE?

I hope this song get's stuck in someone else's head too. I don't want to have to suffer alone. ):

2008-12-02T21:05:00.002+08:00

ZOO

DIVA'S 18th!

BFF! (:

FULLERTON (&Arena)

Oh my gosh, post-A's has been such a blast. Things have been moving so fast, and yesterday&today have passed the fastest by far. Everything's been brilliant, Life is Good! (:

Between 6 months back at SAJC relief teaching a bunch of new J1s GP (&earning a minimum of $65 a day) and working at a law firm (ehh, photocopying and such) for 2 months (earning not very much, I think, but I might get to go to court!), which to choose?

2008-11-28T21:55:00.002+08:00

What's the fun in having natural curls when everyone's getting the fake versions ): Ah, well, mine's probably still the biggest (and, or so I'd like to believe, coolest.) (:

I've wiped out my angpow money on prom stuff, but it's been fun. Can't wait to see everyone all dressed up&stuff! (((: If I forget to bring my (fully charged) camera, I just might shoot myself. Eh, nah, cyanide- I don't want to dress up&die grossly.

More unpacking to come tomorrow! So tiring, seriously. Can't wait to move in, though- my room's a lovely bright colour and gets loads of breeze&pool view! The proximity to school, however, is found wanting.

2008-11-27T22:18:00.000+08:00

'The Angel that presided o'er my birth'
The Angel that presided o'er my birth
Said, 'Little creature, form'd of Joy and Mirth,
'Go love without the help of any Thing on Earth.'

Eternity
He who binds to himself a joy
Does the winged life destroy;
But he who kisses the joy as it flies
Lives in eternity's sun rise.

-William Blake

2008-11-27T00:08:00.002+08:00

Stupid Hotel 626 scared the shit out of me in 30 seconds flat. I am such a wuss ): had to drown out the horrible screaming&bad images by listening to the Cuppy Cake Song on repeat. This is not good- must desist!

I am an ENTJ, btw. &I would really love hotcakes for breakfast some time soon.

2008-11-24T23:04:00.003+08:00

My two favourite outcomes of the game (something-corpse, I still don't remember the name).

whatever, i don't care. does it look like i care that fairy tales are fiction&not fact? that they basically lie to us in our youth, fill us up with hope then let Life take a drill so the hope can painfully, forcefully, be drained out of us? no, i don't care! i don't care that we indeed do "LIVE IN HOPE", that ever-elusive, ILLUSIVE hope. K would say --

oh woe is me! woe is me! screw that./
Yeah, screw it, why be emo when there's noting to emo about?
Is it really so difficult to be even a bit rational
about stupid things? Yeah, I guess we're just

stupid like that./ stupid like what? stupid like (censored name, haha!)&Jeremy. Why they so dumb? Trying to achieve things way out of their reach. It is too high for them. Some things just cannot be forced.

So live with it./
Okay?
Because it's important.
If not she will KILL YOU :0

with her big round eyes/ she'll captivate the world. those eyes, that face, so beautiful. like Wickham, her wit and charm will seduce all, but her heart, oh that evil heart... but no one will see that until it's too late, until they're so deep in that even if they see it, they're stuck and can't leave. not willingly, at least. like a

bog she'll suck you in&not let go - not that you'll want to./
But why don't I want to? The girl infront of me
is pretty cute. Looks like that actress
outta that

Jay Chou movie./
The basketball show or the car show? cos you know that he really can't act you know. People just watch it to see his face lah. Looks are just looks, they do not represent one's character. Classic example: Wickham.

Looks are not everything./
Uh. Yes they are.
Please. Go die.

Perhaps I should stop buying so many cds, but this has become such a

bad habit that/
will last
for as long as he does.
And

I'm not sure if/ I should close my eyes at this point,
before the jump: feet braced, hands braced,

to fall or to jump-/
Jump, over the rainbows; jumping.
legs moving up, thigh muscles cramping,
pain, pain, the mat lay there

like a dead frog./
Single is good.
who wants to be your wife
I'm enjoying swinging single

before someone comes along to wreck my life/
Let me wreck it myself
I'll shoot on the Necro Butcher
I'll staple something on New Jack
Because I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.

2008-11-24T21:47:00.002+08:00

I was packing up some of my stuff, getting ready for the move this Friday, and found these pieces of paper. I've forgotten the name of this game, something-corpse, but re-reading it makes me happy. Still able to recognise the different handwritings etc, quite cool (:

some things that I hope I'll never forget.

2008-11-21T23:28:00.002+08:00

What's that you say? A Levels? A Levels? What's that? That's completely foreign to me; I know not what you speak of. Only one thing makes sense to me at this point in time-

LIBERATION BITCHES, YEAH!

&so 11am on 21st November finally arrived, &I can hardly believe it's over. Sat there crossing out the papers one by one, flashing back to each paper as it was being marked off (with a red pen, no less).

Then, with the examiner's announcement (in a tone completely not befitting the occasion) of "So I guess your holidays start now. You are dismissed", there was the usual din of scratching chairs etc, but this time there were so many beaming faces and people hugging each other&literally jumping for joy.

Happiness escalated as we all congregated at the lockers for the last time, everyone still hugging and screaming in complete abandon, Matheus even laughing at a poor bunch of J1s cos they still have a year to go. HAHAHA sorry we've busted our asses for this stupid set of exams, all happiness felt now is near-hysterical.

I will miss school though. Won't list the stuff, but yes. JC has been such a different experience than sec school was, but I've learnt so much from all the people I've met&all the stuff that's happened in these 2 years. Yeah, sure, there are things I wish I'd done better&things I wish I'd never done, but I really do believe that everything happens for a reason, even if it's not the one I expect or want it to be.

OKAY NO MORE SAPPY STUFF, I AM BASICALLY ECSTATIC YAY! A Levels have ended, Prom dress fits, hair highlights are cool, going to the zoo tomorrow- life's good, life's good.

2008-11-19T17:37:00.002+08:00

http://www.zoo.com.sg/whatsnew/kidzworld.htm

OMG I know this seems so bleeding childish but I really don't care that the seeming-uncoolness of it all is emphasized by the "z" in kidzworld- THE ZOO LOOKS SO FUN! They've redone the children's world thingum and it looks so much better now! The fact that most of it's users will be kids who haven't even taken the PSLE whilst we will have completed our A's doesn't faze me at all. (okay, maybe it willl when I get there, but still!)

I am not suicidal either (nor do we want to cause any of the animals undue stress, which is what happened to the White Tigers- kinda funny huh), and neither are my friends. So I highly doubt any of us will be flinging ourselves into the White Tiger enclosure (or whatever other animal that could maul me to death), probe chosen dangerous animal with a broom, and then proceed to cover my head with a yellow bucket.

Poor dude, though, he must've been seriously disturbed to want to go that way.

ANYWAYS, I DIGRESS- Zoo, yes please! I swear this week has passed in abnormally slow fashion. Please let Friday the 21st of November 11am come quicker!

2008-11-16T21:33:00.002+08:00

For purposes of mugging, we have invaded-

the study area outside the GO&the lockers,

the library,

and the cafe, which is not pictured cos I'm too lazy to find a picture of us in there.

Sustenance includes-

1. Pepsi (amongst other drinks like root bear, bandung&green tea)
2. kfc/ macs/ t3
3. pandan cake/ cheezels/ pocky/ fruitella
3. occassional ordered-in pizza

-

Last paper on Friday (so stupid, can't stand that we have to hold out til then).

My plans to study have been rather unfruitful-
Passed on a trip to the Zoo today in the hopes that I would start studying for Friday's paper, but I ended up hibernating- again.
Skipped Tan's lecture&everyone met up at Macs instead. Studied for a bit, then went to Kell's place to "watch Supernatural then study". Haha, right, surrre, because our plans to study when there's alternative entertainment (ie. a computer, tv&bed) always work.

Kell's house (Hello Kel, btw! I know you stalk my blog.) has become the resident chill-out place.
The post-murderous-exam Friday saw us watching HSM3 in cinemas, shopping/playing at the arcade, then going over to Kell's place for two and a half more movies.
Are we still going there post-A Level's for more movies? And what happened to Sentosa?

Stay tuned to find out. (ie. need to start texting.)

2008-11-15T22:11:00.002+08:00

Obama roasts Rahm Emanuel-
"It hasn't been easy for Rahm though. As a young man he had a serious accident- I think many of you are aware of this- he was working in a deli, accident with the meat-slicing machine, he lost part of his middle finger. As a result of this, this rendered him practically mute."

"Just recently the polls came out, the Democrats are doing better, Rahm turned around and gave his colleagues the high four-and-a-half."

OMG G I LOVE YOU FOR ASKING ME TO SEARCH FOR THIS.

http://video.aol.com/video-detail/barack-obama-roasts-his-chief-of-staff-rahm-emanuel/3981701785

2008-11-07T23:11:00.003+08:00

people who have four major papers back-to-back next week shouldn't really be taking long pizza breaks to play murderer and the polar bear thing, making games out of a random tennis ball complete with penalties, attempting to do Sonia twirls, or clearing out our lockers (whoa, the things that're in there).

but then again, we don't always do what we should, and heaven knows we're damn near completely drained from the papers already.

ah, well, it was good fun whilst it lasted- tomorrow it's back to work like crazy, seeing as how we don't have much time left.

four more papers, week-long break, one last paper, and we're done FOREVER (fingers crossed). the timetable is so stupid, couldn't they just stagger the papers rather than cause a mass massacre (like they haven't already)?!

pfft, too late anyway, gotta suck it up.

2008-11-06T23:38:00.003+08:00

To:
Neha (the fighter/rockstar!)
Lillin (lollipop/got money!)
Kell (mooseface/bounce hommie!)
Sonia (inner smile!)
G (peace be to the galaxy!)

in light of everything, I just want to tell you guys (again)-

I love you all!

It's good that everything's being cleared up- things can only go up from here!

Pizza dinner tomorrow plus many post-A's activities to look forward to(:
(this includes Seth&Mat too, of course.)

p.s. please send me all the cool/funny videos&pictures after A's k? I'll compile it&resend to everyone for keepsake(:

SPREAD THE LOVE Y'ALL!

2008-11-05T20:12:00.003+08:00

reality checks are seldom easy, but at least then you know where you stand&what/who you stand for.

(I need new photos, damn.)

2008-11-05T12:22:00.002+08:00

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

OBAMA WON!

USA now has it's first Black President. I'm damn near completely speechless and almost tearing because it's just that brilliant&emotional. McCain made a great speech, and the reaction of the Democratic crowd is just so touching. From the Civil Rights Movement to this, who would've thought. Such a historic moment.

This completely puts that second passage of our GP compre to shame. Should have added this to my point in my GP essay, but oh well. I digress; what I mean to say is how can you say history has no relevance? It's a benchmark to show how much we've developed&makes historic moments like these even more epic.

:D

2008-11-04T19:45:00.002+08:00

(sorta) half done, half to go.

time's been a problem, in that there's always not enough. couldn't finish history, couldn't add a rather brilliant argument for the AQ, couldn't finish math.

math. eww. the paper was so weird, all the questions were very un-TYS-like, so had to think quite a bit to try and configure it into something mildly resembling something I've seen before.

scenario A:

1. think damn long, finally think I understand.

2. by which time, there's no time to solve it.

3. remember, I only think I'm right, I don't really know if I am.

scenario B:

1. think damn long, still cannot understand.

2. try about 5 different ways of doing the question.

3. if one looks somewhat feasible, write it down. otherwise, just write whatever looks like it makes some sort of mathematical sense.

guess the only reason I'm not upset about it is that I will never ever have to do math/try to work a GC ever again. that's pretty good reason to be happy, no? :D

lit, econs, econs, history, lit. so completely zonked out from the exams, but it'll be over soon enough!

2008-10-30T00:15:00.002+08:00

If I Were A Boy,
Beyonce.

brillo! so sad though. videos really, really good. gotta love Beyonce(:
will put it in my iPod soon, Lillin!

2008-10-27T23:39:00.003+08:00

A Zach-Inspired Post

(the only photo with the three of us is damn unglam, so I put this instead.)

Studied out with them for the past two days, today being much more productive despite meeting 2 hours late (Zach was 4 hours late, &he was ironically the first to wake up). Miss hanging out with them, even though most of the time they're teasing me. But the tables turned today- Nic's turn to be tricked in his own home! Helped to relieve stress in between drowning in math. Then going on the swings before dinner, where Nic completely owned (in swinging&in being ultra blur). Laughed really hard over both days, which felt good (:

I really am blessed with so many great friends.

reach for the stars,
so if you fall you land on a cloud

there's nowhere you can be,
that isn't where you're ought to be.

2008-10-21T23:24:00.004+08:00

nothing but love.

running in the rain back from Macs-

Sonia&I took our shoes off, &abruptly started to run with Neha frantically crying "eh! you didn't answer my question!"

G&Mat just took off, not bothering with the pitstops that Sonia&I had planned out in our route.

Amillin pattered serenely along with the lone umbrella (that no one else wanted to use), laden with the valuables that we couldn't stuff into our pockets.

back in school-

crashed back through the gate that Mat was holding open, laughing&shouting near-hysterically about how liberating (&dirty cos of our bare feet) it was. dried up (somewhat), tried to study- EpicFail.

shared my now-melted ice cream with Neha, who convinced me to salvage it despite it's molten state- &lucky she did, cos it was nice, &fun too (:

spent the rest of the night talking, tearing, laughing, hugging, getting scowled at by Amillil'lin...

they make me happy.

2008-10-19T22:22:00.006+08:00

To my sec sch buddies-
I'm really sorry that I've been so busy lately, and will be until my A's end. Wait for the 21st of November, then we can go out&all! I really miss you guys, &I can't wait to see everyone again (with my larger than life eyebags in tow, but still)! <3

0900-1200 math mock
1300-1430 math post-mortem
1430-1600 K's lit lecture

&then, of course, there's my study timetable to follow.

I'm torn between wanting all this to end quickly&needing more time to study everything. Right now, I really need lots of endurance&determination, so thank goodness for my study buddies, who are, of course, more than just study buddies. (:

-

earworms-

She's the blade&you're just paper

You're afraid cos she's got closer

You're back-stepping

&she's backstabbing everything in your life

-She's the Blade, Sugarcult

(thank you, Lillin!)

So live your life,

you steady chasing that paper just live your life

ain't got no time for no haters just live your life

no telling where it'll take you just live your life

-Live Your Life, T.I. ft. Rihanna

(haha, the irony.)

2008-10-18T19:29:00.002+08:00

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY LILLIN!

:D everyone's favourite sunshine girl turns 18 today!

Dinner last night was good! Everyone was dressed up, especially the birthday girl, who was positively glowing&radiating&all (: Good food, great company, jumping around like crazy people thanks to Sonia, whose sanity has a curfew of around 8pm.

Gotta fill Lillin's pretty time capsule with more stuff, and hopefully the huge castle's still floating!

It was such a good break from the studying, &now we're back at it again! But we'll be alright, as long as we've all got each other to pull through this month and a half that we have left.

2008-10-17T00:01:00.002+08:00

was gonna type something, but got distracted by the opening shots of "The Janice Dickinson Modelling Agency". like whoa-ohhhh much!

what I was gonna say was that everyone just wants to be happy :D

lillin's thingum tomorrow!

2008-10-14T21:56:00.002+08:00

I WISH I had the time/money to shop. But I don't. Gahwtf.

Lillin's birthday thingamajig on Friday! :D

Don't really want to go for the mock exam tomorrow and waste away 3hours of my life when I haven't even studied for it. &yes, still procrastinating, of course.

A bird(I assume it was, I didn't actually see it) shat on my study plan today. I wonder if that's a sign, and if so, I wonder if it's a good sign. If it's not then I'd really rather not know. Have to print another one tomorrow, pfft.

I really should start work, but my newly-blonde friend (who still refuses to cut his hair so is it any wonder that he got mistaken for a _____) keeps doing voice imitations of an exorcist demon&gorillas saying damn pansy things, and batman that sounds more like an old ahpek, or like a very angry, constipated sumo wrestler. HAHAHA!

I'm quite obviously dead for tomorrow's mock paper, but this is so much more entertaining, really.

2008-10-13T22:33:00.003+08:00

Revelation 01:

I'm really, truly happy again, and it's great to be back! :D

Revelation 02:

Everything really does happen for a reason, and so I always have something to hope for, even if it's not always what I thought it would be. Now I know why I never lose hope(:

Was talking to Lillin on the way to the bus stop today, and I just felt so happy, and so good, and just so comfortable. I realised that I got so much more out of something that was pretty bad: I've found friends that I can rely on- that I know I can count on- and I love that feeling. Since leaving Punggol, I never thought that I'd ever find friends that I felt as close to as I did to them, and I really wanted to be proven wrong. Now I am! It's similar, but not the same - you know? We can't ever really understand ourselves, much less others, but sometimes it's enough to just be there for each other.

It's so weird that it's only when school had ended and the going's getting really tough that I feel the most complete. But I'm happy, I know what I'm supposed to be doing and I know that there are people who I can trust who will go through this with me.

oh, so full of love, so full of love! <3

2008-10-11T21:59:00.002+08:00

studystudystudy, which only happens when I'm not at home. once I cross the threshold of the house, all ability to mug is lost.

study buddies! all the antics, plus some disturbing, sadistic revelations (all the poor goldfish, may the rest in peace), and iPod swapping. lovelovepeaceya'll.

someone please grant me a toned body please ): the flab is pfftomgwtf.

i am turning slightly incoherent, not a good sign.

oh well.

2008-10-10T22:09:00.004+08:00

all the photos are already up on facebook! may upload some next time- see how.

i'm gonna miss school.

2008-10-03T22:13:00.003+08:00

should have just bought the dress. gah ):

staying back everyday with various people, Amillin being the constant! <3

Things are getting better, I'm getting better- and that can only be a good thing. I have very wise friends who tell me very wise (&comforting, &encouraging) things, so I refuse to "enable" myself, because everything is a "conscious decision" (haha, the effect of repetition, the influence of Lit).

Can't believe I only have 3 more official school days left- for the rest of my life. I don't think the full impact of this will set in until next year, where I'll probably be anxious but apprehensive. Oh well, got to get through these two months first, then Japan beckons!

Then work, maybe Muay Thai (How Nad, how?), general slacking, pestering my poly friends who will be extra busy with attachments and stuff but I'll be so free that I can meet them anytime they're free anyway!

:D

(note how the A Levels are scarcely mentioned- it's my mode of survival: silent denial but nagging feeling coming from wherever panick resides.)

Ikea tomorrow evening to get lights for my new room. Will search for other nice, nifty little things too(: must mug prior to that, negate! ("We live in hope.")

2008-09-28T23:32:00.002+08:00

Good day sunlight,
I'd like to say how truly bright you are.

2008-09-28T22:14:00.002+08:00

random thoughts:

1. need to find a way to get my ass out of bed by 9am on weekends so I can actually get a seat in the library, and therefore actually mug on weekends.

2. only have a week or so to find my prom dress. I don't want to get stuck with a dress I don't really like/find that someone else is wearing the same thing as me.

3. need to study like mad on the weekdays because my weekends are generally unproductive without the library.

4. want a pair of coolass nike dunks, preferably air force ones (for women, of course). which I'm so not going to have money for until next year, due to prom, holiday, and christmas.

5. still very stressed about my unproductive weekends. crying over spilt milk much.

"OH, WOE IS ME, WOE IS ME!"
hahaha(:

2008-09-26T22:39:00.002+08:00

Thank you all for tonight- it was brilliant and greatly needed and happiness inducing:

The Epic Fails (like democratic elections and autocratic rule),
T-Rex back rides (that only succeeded for me!),
waiting around the fitness area for 7.02 so that we can start eating Pattaya Rice (cost savings, going towards Amillin's Greece Fund!),
eating whilst watching the sky and enjoying the breeze and the madness that is Seth and G ("combined age of 2", says Kell),
walking around the track- once anti-clockwise, once clockwise,
slacking around and talking and laughing so hard I was literally tired after.

-

Thank you all (like everyone, not just the people who were there tonight), not just for all the madness, but for all the love (:
For always being there for me in your own quirky (ie. unique) ways, like offering to do things I shall not name, big big hugs that I secretly love even though I really cannot breathe, and just telling me sincere and really encouraging things that make me feel better about myself. I really, really appreciate it, and I'm so, so blessed to have you guys around <3

-

I hope, and I believe- everything happens for a reason, and it will all fall into place in the end. I know where I stand, I know what I must do, and I know I can do this, and I'm not alone.

(:

*must remember all this whenever I get emo-bouts. Very Important!!!

2008-09-26T00:29:00.004+08:00

i'm in another Emo mood; happy post that i was mentally-writing in my head will not transalte to typed letters, so it shall be saved for another day, or another place (shit, Boey Kim Cheng much- pfft).

anyway, they seem to be coming more often now, and in fuller force than they used to. i can feel really strong and completely steady, goal in mind and ready to work for it; the next moment i'll be sunken and demoralised, wondering if Hope stole Confidence when it ran off.

i hate being in these Emo moods. haven't done GP; shall do it in the library tomorrow and hand it in to her to mark&meet her another time. debating between studying Lit or Econs, or both. shall decide tomorrow morning.

i guess the little things bug me the most cos the little things matter the most to me. it's the reason i'm happy and optimistic most of the time. but i suppose everything needs to be equalled out; can't be happy forever. or maybe i need to find joy in the littler things.

should take advice: find a softball bat&a tree to whack til the bark flies off. i'd rather shoot clay pigeons with a rifle to hear the clanging as the porcelain shatters and feel the recoil of the gun and feel some sense of satisfaction derived from destruction, but i don't think that's realistic (and is slightly scary, too, though rather cool if you think about it).

right. i think the best thing to do is take another piece of advice&sleep, hoping at least zen will return tomorrow.

2008-09-21T18:31:00.003+08:00

for those-

who gave up their break to stay with me at the fourth floor in the sweltering heat,

who messaged me at night to check up on me,

who very bravely offered to do all sorts of things that I shan't mention,

who actually did things that I shan't mention,

who gave me great big koala hugs or kodak-worthy smiles full of love-

<3
you guys are precious(:

Somehow everything's gonna fall right into place;

If we only had a way to make it all fall faster everyday.

2008-09-17T21:14:00.002+08:00

E M O .

feeling very crappy of a sudden. after everyone left and i stayed back to try and finish up some work, thinking i would get some sense of satisfaction out of it. but, yah, none.

my appetite's been on the fritz and i'm starting to get freaked out by it. apparently you can't be a skinny diabetic (induced by not eating much, and eating only snacks when i do eat), but still, there's the possibility of severe gastric. omg i don't want the lining of my stomach to errode, that's just freaky. and probably really unhealthy too.

then there's my results, which aren't up to par. i'm stuck somewhere between wanting to give up and wanting to work really hard. but when i try to work hard, it results in [read first paragraph].

and then there's the other stuff.

i hope this is just stress-induced, panick-stricken pms. though i really don't think so. gah negativity, negativity.

SHUN THE NON-BELIEVER, SHUN!!!

2008-09-15T22:50:00.004+08:00

All I want is the wind in my hair

To face the fear but not feel scared

Wild Horses I want to be like you

Throwing caution to the wind

I'll run free too

Wish I could recklessly love

Like I'm longing to

I want to run with the Wild Horses

-Wild Horses,

Natasha Bedingfield

2008-09-14T14:47:00.001+08:00

I will not let myself.

I cannot let myself.

2008-09-13T13:24:00.002+08:00

Cancelled outing with Neha&passed up on movie with Yixiang, shall just stay at home&slack today. Don't know why I just don't feel like doing much, maybe it's the accumulation of exhaustion from having lots of fun.

GAH.

Not complaining though(:

My friends are hyperactive on Facebook, it's quite funny&really amusing!

2008-09-13T00:17:00.006+08:00

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY

NUR MASTURA AYU!

Her birthday came during the time with Prelims&Ramadhan, so our elaborate plans had to be shelved away. But we still had a really good time, and most importantly, the Birthday Girl's really happy too!

&that's all that really matters in the end. :D we love you babe!

Helmi, Asraf, Dee&I met up to get the final touches done. These boys are pretty inefficient, but not bad lah at least Asraf was willing to carry the pink&red balloons around. Helmi was mostly emo-ing- we assume it was due to hunger.

Us wearing the extremely girly (&overpriced) hairband.

So we carried those 10 balloons around town, trying not to bump anyone with them (obviously failing quite a few times). Finally, after everything was done, we ended up at some staircase that the boys found&just slacked there til it was time to go off.

Got the seats at Heeren's Fish&Co. (I didn't know there was one there), and started decorating her seating area with the balloons&various presents!

The VIP Seat, damn pink.

Dee&I with the very, very expensive board. I know it doesn't look like it costed a lot to make, but believe me, it took both time&effort. But it's for our BFF, so duh, it was completely worth sitting in Lido and looking kinda nutty!

the girls&the guys(:

GROUP SHOTS!

In the end, they're always the ones that keep me alive. They remind me of how fun life can be if I just let it, to not take myself too seriously&just let loose. Cos I know I can be completely kooky around them&they'll still laugh with me; it's almost as if it doesn't matter if the rest of the world thinks we're completely insane, as long as we're happy, we're happy. &I miss that, I miss these people that I grew up/am growing up with.

I'm really happy that we all still keep in contact&try to meet up despite our busy schedules. Mas said that Asyraf told her that he thinks we'll all be friends forever. &as cliche as that sounds, I actually really believe that could be totally true.

2008-09-10T22:57:00.002+08:00

Please, Please, Please don't ever watch Make It Happen. It's so unbelievably boring we basically just ended up having to add our own commentary to make it slightly more bearable. The dancing was good, but way too infrequent, and the rest of the movie was made up of very bad cliches. But catching up with Nic is never boring, since we're completely loud&we accumulate interesting stories to share with great enthusiasm (&exaggeration).
But, still, bad bad movie. Lucky he paid since he just got rich from selling an Ipod.

Anyways,
PRELIMS ARE OVER!!!

I was torn between sheer panick and relief when the ultra-tall dude said "Fifteen minutes left!" But now I'm glad it's over. Source A was funny, sign a super important agreement that many formal meetings couldn't solve over a bowl of noodles. Nice. Wonder if I can put that into my essay.

2008-09-09T12:30:00.003+08:00

Cannot. Wait. For. Prelims. To. End.

1.
need to meet the secsch buddies at Tuala's birthday,
hopefully go up to Mt. Faber with the girls,
and meet Nic&Zach for a movie -- which Zach will pick, since Nic always chooses the lousy horror flicks&I pick the musicals&such, which they don't appreciate.

Unless Zach does an MIA, in which case...

2.
was talking to Nic about the old times during PAE with OG2&FB which were like really brilliant. fast forward to a little more than a year, and here we are, trying to keep each other alive through the prelims via stupid videos of Charlie and the Candy Mountain.

3.
life's not going wonderfully, but it's good enough. i'll get by with a little (or a lot of) help from my friends, keep my head above the water&try to stay positive -- hoping for the best but being prepared for the worst.

but, still, hoping for the best.

2008-09-06T23:12:00.002+08:00

(This hauntingly reminds me of how Nad once said Jap videos are the closest we'll get to these romantic things. Except it's Korean.)

2008-09-03T20:43:00.000+08:00

2008-09-02T20:47:00.002+08:00

"Because everyone deserves a second chance, and everyone fights."

- Sage Evil Cow God, Neha Gautam (:

2008-08-30T22:39:00.006+08:00

This Was Teachers' Day 2008,

Nad&Qud(:

Nice one lah Von, we can't take a good photo. Must be the curse of the $2-Note Cleaner.
Rekha Das, the ever-funny.

Some of the Canteen-Table People,
and Siewy!

Nor Asiq the Rooster&Alfonso Rae Gonzalez. haha!
eh, we haven't done the stupid wave from the bus to my school's gallery thing yet!

Zehan, haha!
"Rachel, faster come! We need 5 more bucks to pay for the pizza!"

&This Is Class 4C of 2006,

courtesy of Larry Teo&his very big camera.

<3!

2008-08-30T22:12:00.003+08:00

Studying in School.

@Aston's

End of First Week of Prelims

National Day

ft. Mafia Mok&the Class(:

2008-08-30T21:56:00.002+08:00

1.
I went to the doctor's, about a week or so back, and my mum asked him to give me something to keep awake. After sagely pondering this, he decided to give me this drug that old people take to improve blood circulation in the brain ("Not that you're old," he said, "but it does help you stay alert!").

Noticing my mum's ill-disguised dubious look, he proceeded to tell us that when taking the medicine, it may seem like there's no change, but you'll know it works when you feel different when you stop taking it.

2.
Today I learnt that you can care too much, and that not everyone will appreciate it.

3.
Pictures coming up in the next post!

2008-08-21T00:32:00.003+08:00

&I thought school was a bore.

Well, it still mostly is, just that now there're interesting things happening here&there, keeping me amused (arising from incredulity and just sheer amazement at how people can be really immature).

&then there are the friends that rally around-- electrifying much! <3!

-

But, of course, the prelims loom ever-nearer, MCs have become the in-thing, thanks to our wonderful school policies. Can't have it all, I guess. &as far as things go, I have it pretty good.

2008-08-16T22:56:00.002+08:00

Brillo!

Sorry for the lack of updates. Haven't had the mood to write about anything recently. Prelims are fast approaching, and study-wise, everything looks pretty gloomy.

Which spastic school doesn't provide a study break before the Prelims, but in the middle of it? Don't answer that, we all know the answer.

What good is that going to do? It makes no logical sense to expect better results for a more difficult exam as compared to an exam that we had a whole month off to study for. Seriously. It's mentally discouraging and physically exhausting -- basically just totally draining.

MAKES NO SENSE.

ok whatever, I will live through this -- partially dead, if not completely, but I'll live.

2008-07-19T19:59:00.004+08:00

If a 15-year-old came up to me&did that* I'd be like "Pfft, ah well, young&dumb." But come on, you're in your late 30s or early 40s with three kids, and you behave that way? Seriously?

I was too stunned by her complete stupidity&childishness to be rude to her, though I thought Yi Xiang's idea (which was to tell her I'm lesbian, haha!) was pretty good. Neha&Lav called, one sounding worried, the other was as peeved as I was. Will tell you both what happened, complete with Rachel-esque huge hand gestures and oddball expressions. <3!

*Right, so this is what happened:
Neha&Lav left the library whilst I stayed on to finish up my essay. So
this woman comes and sits beside me&asks me whether I was I looking at her
husband (like 10000 times) and told me he was looking at me (which, really, is
not my problem) and whether I want his number so I can contact him (in a
horrible attempt at sarcasm). Like, seriously woman, why would I look at your
husband? You've got I S S U E S.

Oh, the first thing she asks me is "Are you malay?", and I'm still
wondering how that's relevant. She's malay too. I've some deductions, but if
anyone decodes this, tell me k.

2008-07-13T23:28:00.001+08:00

third post today, but just had to:

"just because we want them doesnt mean we need them to be happy."
"what do we need, then?"
"you."

-Ned&Chuck, Pushing Daisies

2008-07-13T21:05:00.002+08:00

random thought:

ate roast chicken for dinner, so now my fingers smell of herbs&spices. shall smell them while it lasts (til tomorrow, where the soap will wash it away, and then my fingers will smell of strawberries).

2008-07-13T20:52:00.002+08:00

My big toe twitches occasionally. How funny.

I wonder if there's any superstition attached to twitching toes. Twitching Toes- sounds cute. Haha!

2008-07-06T20:46:00.003+08:00

Was gonna write a story using these pictures, but a combination of PMS and disappointment and a general loss of hope(oh yes, not again) have made me lose that mad stroke of inspiration totally. Oh well.

Neha&I, being nutty in PS because we have nothing much to do anyway(:

the almost-failure of a pirate. from some angles she really looked like she was wearing a turban with a skull, which was freaky-funny.

yes, I have been working out, thank you for asking.

what pretty hats, no?

Neha's love life- how very scandalous.

bet this bear's happy that he's not human (or he would be, if he was able to think&feel. ooh, freaky thoughts).

-

Nad's most recent blog post really struck a cord. Guess I'm off to watch some Japanese love dramas.
(was going to say "haha", but there really isn't anything funny about it. must be force of habit.)

2008-07-01T17:31:00.002+08:00

Hello all(:

It's been a nice break so far. Lots of time to think and to enjoy and to rest. I realise that I'm ready for Step One, but not really for Step Two. I don't dare to, not until I'm really sure. Til then, I'm doing pretty good.

I really love my friends(:

2008-06-28T16:33:00.000+08:00

Realise- Colbie Caillat.

2008-06-22T13:14:00.002+08:00

Back to school again tomorrow, with BT2s awaiting. I'm pretty resigned already, not even thinking about the exams anymore, just the post-exam activities.

We end on Friday, so we get the weekend plus Monday thru Wednesday off, then Friday's College Day (which I have to go for, but oh well), then the weekend again, and Monday's off-in-lieu for Youth Day.

I like the idea of that, having so many days off. It almost makes the BTs worth it-
almost.

2008-06-14T00:16:00.002+08:00

A horse is a horse, of course, of course
And no one can talk to a horse, of course
That it, of course,
Unless the horse,
Is the famous Mr. Ed.

Go right to the source
And ask the horse
He'll give you an answer you'll endorse
You're always on a steady course
When you talk to Mr. Ed.

People yakitty-yak in the streets,
Wasting their time away.
But Mr. Ed will never speak
Unless he has something to say

[start from the top again]

Dad's home from Indonesia, happily boasting about the size of his room/bed, the wonderful view/food...
Ah, well, it's nice to have Dad back home again(:

(he taught me this song from his childhood a few years back whilst driving Dinah&I to school one day. If reminded, Dee still tries to get me to teach her the lyrics cos I never forgot it since.)

2008-06-11T00:39:00.009+08:00

Rather interesting:
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=grill

He's crude, slightly deranged&sounds really arrogant if you read beyond that article, but the argument is there, so take it with a large pinch of salt. I think it's fine if you want to be a vegetarian cos you think you'd save animals that way - I'm not about to stop you. But don't be all self-righteous&tell me that I should too.

I probably like this article lots cos I really don't like being told what to do or being guilted into doing something - it really pisses me off.
I'm stubborn that way.

Digression: the whole ethics argument is very agro-GP.

2008-06-03T20:12:00.003+08:00

love, love, wonderful song.

Security
Joss Stone
A loss that would have thrown
A hole through anybody's soul
And you were only human after all
So don't hold back the tears my dear
Release them so your eyes can clear
I know that you will rise again
But you gotta let them fall
I wish that I could snap my fingers
Erase the past, but no
You cannot rewind reality
Once the tape's unrolled

[Chorus:]
If your spirit's broken and you can't bear the pain
I will help you put the pieces back
A little more each day
And if your heart is locked and you can't find the key
Lay your head upon my shoulder
I'll set you free
I'll be your security

A moment of despair
That forces you to say that life's unfair
It makes you scared of what tomorrow may bring
But don't go giving into fear
Stop hiding all alone in there
The show keeps going on and on
But you'll miss the whole damn thing
I wish I had a crystal ball to see what the future holds
But we don't know how the story ends till it's all been told

[Chorus]

On any clock upon the wall
The time is always now
So baby kiss the past goodbye
Don't let the future blow your mind
Just sit back and chill
Take things as they come
You can't be afraid
To live for today
I will be with you each step of the way

still don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to understand.

2008-05-29T23:28:00.003+08:00

This is-

O7A10.

2008-05-24T22:17:00.002+08:00

For the record, I think the Writer's Ink competition thing was fun, despite it being tiring and all. But the facilitators and all were really good, despite some problems at the start.

It felt good to stay in school overnight - lots of talking&all, plus lots of brainstorming and writing, a little hysteria resulting from the fatigue of thinking&staying awake - but that's what made it fun in the end (and what else do you expect to do, if you join a writing competition, other than to write? I think it was cool that they made it interesting&planned non-writing-related stuff too).

Everyone was super shagged in the morning, all having minimal hours (some didn't even have an hour) of sleep cos we were all trying to write and make our end pieces as good as we can. On top of being shagged, we were all rather grimy and sticky cos it was quite a humid night (the fans that were blowing at me when I slept gave me cramps k, but I was too tired to be bothered to reach for something to cover myself with).

Overall, it was cool(: Yay Writers' Ink!

2008-05-19T16:00:00.002+08:00

this is so related to the lit books that we do right. so-very-Nica-like.

speaking of which, i really should be doing my essay now, but all that thinking has left my brain in a big mess of tangles. (which makes me think of "swing swing from the tangles of my heart...").

"Like being in love," she said, "for the first time."

2008-05-16T21:50:00.002+08:00

PMS.

I like how I can blame things like my mood swings and hyper-eating on biology. On the other hand, zits are waging war on my face, which kinda spoilt my Good Hair Day. Having to tie up my hair kinda spoilt it too.
Oh well, cest la vie.

Today was a long day. History was ultra bad, and Econs tutorial was too, especially because of my horrible moodswings. But we survived! With some comic relief coming by way of Bong's inspection of Jeremy's pencilcase (which was full of inkless pens&pen parts, like carnage or something) and a non-demoralizing Lit lesson (for a change/finally), we lived through today.

Bring on the homework-filled long weekend! I shall, obviously, focus on the latter. I know there's like a month off after next week, but long weekends are rare and therefore to-be-treasured.

Shall top up the water bottle then settle in bed with a nice book(:

2008-05-11T19:49:00.005+08:00

If I wasn't sure before, yesterday proved it-

Rachel Attracts Weirdos.

oh well.

On to better things: I met up with Dee yesterday after heaven-knows-how-long, &it was nice. I basically unloaded my life story (the chapters that she's missed out on these few months) on her, as she listened. She's a really good listener- interested at all times, injecting laughter or comments or her own stories at certain junctures. I miss hanging out with her.

And, I've said this many times but what the heck, I totally approve of her bf. He's such a nice guy, &they're so happy together, it's really so sweet! (:

Have I mentioned that I'm extremely screwed for tomorrow's MSA? yeah, that.

2008-05-06T22:22:00.002+08:00

Another day's gone past.

Another day of secrets, some revealed, some not.

Okay, can't think anymore- 1. inexplicably too tired 2. Sara Bareilles' Love Song is running through my head.

head underwater
&you tell me to breathe easy for a while
breathing gets harder
even I know that.

2008-05-05T17:59:00.003+08:00

Coolshiatzz.

WE MADE IT TO THE FINALS!!!

Woah it was so cool, seriously. I only caught like the last half hour of it (by rushing out of lit lecture&cabbing down), but it was so good! I would recount what happened, but aiyah it's better to watch. The atmosphere was damn shiok, everyone was cheering like nuts, screaming our lungs out, with Mr. Soh's rallying cries of "Come on Saints! Cheer for them!!!" gosh it was good. Made me think of last year where we would go down to (seemingly) every match, so cool.

All the teams are doing really well this year, it's so cool. I'm not even playing but I feel so friggin' happy- can't imagine what they would feel.

*would put up a nice picture I took, but I misplaced the cable*

GO SA!(:

2008-05-03T15:11:00.001+08:00

Travelling Light.

2008-05-01T16:07:00.002+08:00

MAS TAGGED ME.

Instructions:
A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

B) Tag 8 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These 8 people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending this to 8 other people. (I won't do this, so no worries.)

Questions!
1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
lots of anger&hurt, but I would want to find out why (and in the process of finding out, bodily harm him in some way).

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
I suppose it would be to be able to say I led a fulfilling life&left a positive impression on people.

3. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
Taking the A Levels are pretty much a certainty, but as for everything else, the answer would be a resounding YES,

4. What's your ideal lover like?
Ooh, you're in for a long answer. He must be (in no order of preference): funny, quirky, friendly, gorgeous smile, romantic, understanding, sweet, tall enough for me to wear heels&not dwarf him...(broad shoulders,tanned skin&some musical ability would definitely be a plus!)

5. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone else?
It depends- I think it's more blessed to be able to love someone you thought you never could, but being loved is definitely blessed.

6. If the person you like does not accept you, would you continue to wait for them to change their feelings?
If he decides for sure (with lots&lots of certainty) that he doesn't like me, then it's time I move on!

7. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
I'd do my best to move on.

8. Is there anything that has made you unhappy recently?
Yes, actually, mostly to do with school&school-related stuff, which I will not elaborate upon.

9. What do you want most in life?
I want to find joy in the work I do, so I can say that I've lead a fulfilling life.

10. Is being tagged fun?
If the questions are interesting, yes.

11. If you find out that your best friend is going out with your boyfriend/girlfriend, how would you react?
WHACK THEM! But seriously, my reaction would be similar to question 1, except that the intensity of emotions would be far greater. Oh gosh, I hope this never happens to me!

12. Who is currently the most important person to you?
Everyone in my life that I care about is important to me, just in different ways.

13. What kind of person do you think I am?
I assume it's referring to Mas, so...She's my bestest girl friend&I have no idea what I'd do without her in my life. Her life parallels mine in so many ways, it's almost freaky! But really, people like her really get me, &they help balance me out, &I owe them BIG TIME for all they've done for me (((:

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?
That's not a fair question! Happiness needs to be included in the question for me to make a choice.

15. If the person you secretly like cannot recognize you, what would you do/how would you react?
I suppose I would like try to queue up at the same place&get my friend to shout my name from somewhere so that he would be like "Hmm, who's that they're calling so loudly?", turn around, &see me!

16. Would you give your all in a relationship?
I'll only get into one if I'm sure that we'd both give our all. So, yes.

17. If you fall in love with two persons simultaneously, who would you pick?
Neither.

18. What type of friends do you like?
Woah, I don't think I can define the friends that I like. I like all kinds of friends, but I love it when we can think on the same frequency.

19. If you played a prank on someone, and he/she fell for the trick, what would you do?
I only play harmless pranks, so...I'd laugh my ass off! &give the poor dude a hug for being such a good sport.

20. If you could change one thing in your life, what would it be?
Nothing. I'm a strong believer in the "everything happens for a reason" thing, &it's worked out so far, so I wouldn't change anything.

-

Not going to tag anyone, but anyone that wants to can go ahead! Leave a message on my tagboard if you are, cos I want to read the answers!

2008-05-01T12:10:00.002+08:00

Hello.

Past few mornings have been rather shitty, really. But I suppose at least things are only bad in the mornings, maybe it helps me appreciate the rest of the day better? Don't know, shan't think about it.

I know it's not just me that's realised that these few weeks have been like some sort of "Secret Sharing/Confession Period". Huddled groups in the cafe, extremely funny reanactments, whispers behind cushions (that are found out anyway), secret typing on handphones, long walks around school grounds...

I wonder how much of my opinion I can subtly publish on a blog for it to still be subtle. Not much, I think, so I'll leave it to one-on-one conversations. But I will say that Secret Sharing Period has been interesting, &I like how I'm growing closer to people&squashing some sad thoughts that I initially had about JC. (:

-

Met up with Mas&Asraf after school yesterday. (love these two, don't know what I'd do without them.) Went to Coffee Bean (against their wishes, heh! next time we'll go to NYNY k?), walked around whilst catching up, devising stupid party themes...oh, watched a movie too! Mas had to leave early, so I made Asraf re-watch Iron Man because I wanted to. Talked quite a bit before that, &it was insightful, I suppose one could put it that way.

-

I really do like Secret Sharing Period- not so much for the gossip, but for the closeness.

2008-04-29T22:34:00.002+08:00

Happy Deep Though #1:

Love is not blind;
Love is acceptance, flaws&all.

2008-04-28T21:00:00.002+08:00

To wish is to hope, and hope is...elusive? Hope is uncertain, the ever-cliched (this, itself, is cliched) fickle friend.

"No, freak, I do not." (:
"Friends do not build walls between themselves." (haha!)

Too much serious thought scares me a little. Why is it when I think deeply, I always think of scary or sad things, or make happy thoughts sad? Because of practicality, too much practicality.

Kells says that deep thought arises out of sadness, &I guess that's true.

Take a Bow; Hollywood's Not America.

2008-04-25T01:34:00.002+08:00

Miss Sin&her some of her Band B APGP students(:
One of the few lessons that I enjoy going for, despite the current onslaught of ethical dilemma questions she's making us answer, which is making my brain severely tired.

-
Random Thoughts:

1. Sometimes I love watching couples being all smiley&happy, laughing&talking animatedly&all- it's so sweet (though I have to admit, I do get slightly jealous- just slightly!).

2. What I find extremely sweet is when people remember the little things you say, things that you thought were just expressed cos they just happen to be passing through your head, but they remember. They remember, &they actually do something about it, which is really the ultimate in sweetness (&also shows that they were really listening, not nodding cos it's getting boring&you just want the tale to end already).

3. Neha said she finds it sad when people turn out to be something other than what you thought they were. I find it freaky, cos it raises all sorts of questions about pretty much everything.

4. Hamlet was good. Some of the lines were just hilarious, super funny! (((: I swear I was going to burst out laughing when he went "Oh, woe is me!". I settled for a snort (a very feminine one, okay!) instead, so I wouldn't disturb anyone else but for Kell&Neha, who were, in my defence, smirking too, so I was just joining in!

5. Not going to school, can't take the flu anymore, it's gotten to me, finally.

-

Too tired for anymore random thoughts. I thought a lot more stuff when I was on the train home, but I'll save them for another time. Too many things happen in too short a time, &all the changes&shocks, while enlightening, are like injections into an economy such that it will need to stabilise at a new equilibrium level.

Rachel reverting to Econs-Speak
Is a clear indication that she needs sleep.
(Haha, half-rhyme in a couplet- what is it's significance?!)

-

Okay, sorry for the madness, going off now, promise.

2008-04-22T20:46:00.002+08:00

Another picture stolen from (Lim) Halim.

I was thinking whilst in the toilet today (yes, okay, weird place to have deep thoughts, but whatever), &I realised that I actually agreed with something K said. It was something about how she doesn't believe in mollycoddling (my mind instantly jumped to Harrry Potter, last instalment, where this word was used as a pun) us cos the world's not like that.

I don't really agree with the first part, nor about how she's going about un-mollycoddling us (ie. making us go crazy), but I do agree that we need toughening up. Everytime I tell my dad about school&how it's driving me insane, he basically tells me to suck it up. At first I thought he was being really mean about it, but I realise now that he isn't, cos it's true. If I had bothered to listen past "You have to deal with this, girl" and heard "you'll have to deal with things like this all your life, so it's better to learn now than when it's too late", I would have realised earlier that my dad was imparting wisdom, not being insenstive.

I hate it when I'm unable to detach myself from things, because it's too close for me to be able to do so. It already irks me in the first place, then it's elevated by my inability to disallow it from irking me.

2008-04-20T14:26:00.002+08:00

I like how I'm getting to know my classmates more.

(:

&I don't mean it in just that way (Mok calls it "The Thing"). I'm really finding out more about their personalities&histories (revelations, revelations)- some good, some...not-s0-good, but good to know anyway.

-

Alrighto, let's try starting The White Moon Faces. Or ACJC Compre, which is more tempting cos I can type the answers.
Choices, choices.

2008-04-15T23:33:00.002+08:00

God Forbid

I should ever

_____.

2008-04-13T20:39:00.005+08:00

Some of my favourite pictures taken on my birthday. (Yes, I'm still thinking about it. It was a wonderful day!)

1. Best Candid Picture! (NeanderTong, plus Jaime's face in the background)

2. I, very nicely, made myself seem shorter.

3. Sonia!

4. "Anita! Come take the picture with us!" *Click!* (and a lonely bowl of wanton soup)

1. In utter shock but deliriously happy!

2. Mas sneaking up on me, about to attack me with cake. Asraf&Asyraf both standing there like nothing's happening- thanks uh!

3. Cutting my cake! (They made me save like around 2 slices, citing some retarded excuse, which I retardedly believed.)

4. Bestest Friend<3>

5. Mas&I, hiding away after launching another cake attack on some innocent person, I think.

6. JUMP! (Mas, myself, Shahida, Nonis)

There is nothing I would like better than to be super cosy (preferably with a someone that I haven't found), watching TV whilst sharing a tub of ice cream (preferably Chunky Monkey, or some other flavour that I like).

For now, though, I will have to contend with sitting on the bed&attempting to do some work, whilst my ice cream is sitting in the fridge, waiting to be eaten.

Oh the joy.

2008-04-12T23:22:00.002+08:00

Heartache is like the stone in your shoe. It bothers you, but it won't kill you.Maybe to you, it will. Maybe to you, heartache is a pebble, a rock, a needle, a pinhead, a knife, a thumbtack, but I think we can all agree that there is nothing more tiresome, more painful. My worst fear is to realise that I have been a waste of time. My consequence is independence. What is yours?
-Danielle Han

Took that from Danielle's blog. Read something in Sophie's blog too, though I don't remember exactly what she said. Left me with quite a bit of stuff to think about.

Oh, I was so shocked at who my parents thought I had something going on with. What shocked me even more was their reaction, or lack thereof, to it. I thought they would freak out, especially my mum, but they were so calm about it. Dad asked me about it just now, so subtely that I didn't even notice (or maybe it's because I'm totally blur when it comes to these kinds of things). Strangely, they weren't against it. Dad even said that I was handling it well. -.-

Parents are indecipherable.

On another note, Mas, Asraf, Asyraf&Shahida, we need to go for pizza. Maybe when I get my new place or something, I'll invite you guys over&the pizza will be on me (or rather, on my Dad, who has already offered to sponsor it). It's a measure of how much they did for me, if even my Dad was touched when he wasn't even there.

<3!

2008-04-10T22:05:00.002+08:00

Dumbstruck&don't really know how to describe today. From beginning to end, it was like...wonderful. I'm totally, absolutely, seriously blessed with the best friends&family around me. I Love Love Love you all so much.

Ahhh, when I find a way to do justice to today, I will post an entry about it. Til then...

(Haven't uploaded pictures from my camera yet. Need to do the history essay first.)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
indeed.

2008-04-09T20:24:00.001+08:00

Twas' the night before...

(:

2008-04-08T20:35:00.002+08:00

Hello.
Today's post shall be filled with my random thoughts.

-

Today was a normal day. Nothing much really happened. Lit in the morning, break (did some work), math (stoned my ass off&froze slightly too), break (this time had to do Lit), GP (super interesting&quite disturbing), break (toilet), Lit Test (hahaha, let's not talk about it).

Stayed back after school cos I was trapped by the rain. A little bit of studying&a whole lot of madness with some of the A6 bunch (who are friggin fun!).

-

I want a Carl's Jr. burger, the one without veg that tastes friggin good. Plus the fries, with bolognaise sauce I think. B&J's Chunky Monkey's good too!

-

One of my post-A Level goals is to make a big board with all the pictures of the good ol' days, so that whenever I'm sad, I can go to the board, pick a picture, reminisce about the story behind the picture, &feel much much happier.

-

Chris Brown is hawwwwt! I think (almost) anyone that can dance/sing automatically gets 100 Hot Points.

-

I need new pictures! Thursday shall be Take-Picture-Day! &nobody can say no to me on that day (((:

2008-04-06T18:22:00.002+08:00

Read Tuala's (ie. Mastura's) blog! (:

-

I'm thankful for all the friends that I have, because in their own unique ways, they keep me going. I can't imagine my life without them; I seriously think I would be in like semi-depression if I didn't have all the friends that I do.

The ones that grew up with me in Secondary school remind me of who I am&keep me sane because of their insanity. The ones from JC help to develop my mind&expose me to a different kind of world than the one I'm used to. The online ones are great because they could just block me or decide to not care when I talk about personal stuff, but they care.

There is a sense of comfort&security&warmth in knowing that there are people out there who are always there for me, &will never judge me because they know me so well.

(:

-

I was listening to Tuala talk about her love life, &telling her about mine, we realised that they're really screwed up- hers is over-populated whilst mine is semi-non-existent. I love how we always understand how the other feels, how we can finish each other's sentences&share every single detail of our lives. (Gah, we sound like we have something going on. Haha!)

-

I love my friends, &I never want them to forget that.
<3

2008-04-05T23:38:00.002+08:00

Nic's 17th, last year.

Today Nic bought:

Earphones
NUM Slippers
Everlast singlet
3 shirts from Cotton On
Box File from Harris
FBT singlet&shorts

Today I bought:

2 shirts from Cotton On

There was a last-minute scramble to get the shirts from Cotton On, totally hilarious! Nic, as usual, got slightly injured. &I owe him about $5 for the drink (that didn't even taste alcoholic) which I drank most of cos it tasted like slightly like Orangina, but nicer. &also for the shirts from Cotton On, which came up to $20. Oh&Nic managed to run into, literally, two women whilst we were running in the rain from Heeren to Cathay Cine.

You realllly don't want to know how much Nic spent. He doesn't even want to know how much he spent. Bet it's an indecent sum.

OH! I saw Derek outside Cine!

2008-04-01T20:32:00.002+08:00

Bad Day.

Woke up late this morning, rushed around the house&had to help my brother fold his blanket&stuff cos he forgot to&if I didn't do it then Dad would have to, which I didn't want. Got out of the house, switched on the iPod&stuffed earpieces into my ears. iPod kept playing sad songs. Sad song after sad song.
Bad Omen.

I'm so retarded, can't believe I believe in stuff like that. It's not like it's Karma (which I totally believe), it's like stupid signs from an iPod. Shit, I judge how good my day will be by the songs that my iPod plays, which is totally random. This proves that I have lost whatever few marbles that were left in my head.

Anyway, to my class, I'm realllllly sorry that she kept everyone back cos I got caught for my skirt. I feel really bad about it.

Now I have to meet her at 7.20 in the mornings. FOS. She sees me during morning assembly anyway what, what's her problem man.

2008-03-30T23:31:00.002+08:00

Spot the Not(s).
1. Mok, who looks like a cross between a petulant child&a gangster.
2. Roy, the happy&totally not scary lion.
3. Me, the obviously fiercer lion.

This was supposed to be a candid photo! (Says I, indignantly.)

2008-03-27T22:45:00.003+08:00

Always we wonder- where do we draw The Line?

Then you realise that sometimes there is no Line, or the Line has been blurred so much that, like erasing a dark pencil mark, all it creates is a Gray Area.

Sometimes I like this area, because it means I can move around freely.

Sometimes I don't like it, because it means I have to wander around aimlessly.

If only there weren't Lines or Gray Areas, just a huge Red Balloon where everyone that mattered floated along, careless&thoughtless, because there aren't any Lines&Gray Areas to think about, just bright things filled with Love&Colour.

No Lines, No Gray Areas.

2008-03-24T21:05:00.004+08:00

2008-03-22T22:09:00.004+08:00

-
Overdue Birthday Shout Outs!
19th March:
HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY NICHOLAS LAU DE LIONG!(: go wreck some clubs, &once April 10th rolls along, I want to go too!

20th March:
HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY DEREK GOH JEAN HONG!(: I'm so sorry for not wishing you on the day! Don't forget- you promised to wish me on my birthday itself. I still have the V'day E-Flower thing, but it's in my laptop, not my brother's.

21st March:
HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY CELESTE AURORA NONIS!(: Sorry I couldn't make it for your birthday thing, but we'll have another outing soon&where we'll all (hopefully) have money, then we can celebrate all the birthdays we've missed!

2008-03-22T00:32:00.004+08:00

The Day BT1 Ended

Omg, yesterday was so fun! I'll upload more pictures soon, I promise. My laptop has just been sent for repairs, so I had to upload the pictures onto Ian's computer.

I just realised that climbing the monument was almost symbolic, like conquering death (death being BT1).

Okay, talking nonsense. Indication that I should get some sleep. OH! I slept until 11.30am today&only got up cos my Dad woke me up. The last time I woke up at that time was...