RACHEL DE SILVA

Deep down inside we want to believe they still do.

LOVE,

10:33 PM

School gets worse, day after day. Everyday feels like Friday, what with all the exhaustion that is normally explained away by the build-up over the week, but is now just a part of daily life. The teachers drone ever on, they nag&scold in a pseudo-k manner, hand over heart- whatever. It's getting weary- it's only January.

So we escape.

Went to Clarke Quay with Neha, walking around the place with the breeze&the boats, sticking out like a sore thumb (ok, exaggeration) amongst the AngMohs, MatMinahs&what not. Took off the tie, hitched up the skirt a little, let the hair down- instant liberation.

Needed it so badly, seriously. After walking for a while, talking about the B-word, we sat by the water. We were waving to the people in the boats&getting completely ignored by our super unfriendly Singaporeans, reminisced about the good old neighbourhood school days- the simplicity, the unpretentiousness, the carefree, devil-may-care attitude, the happiness. Felt good to find I wasn't the only one who found JC to be so...different, for lack of a better word. It made me feel less alone, less alien.

A couple of hours of freedom before reality calls,
It says you need to plant your feet back on the ground again.

LOVE,

8:57 PM

I'm a sucker for surprises. What's not to love right?

Shit, I'm such a hopeless romantic. I always thought all these stupid fantasies were something that formulates&plays in people's minds all the time. Is it? I don't really care if it's overrated or cliched or whatever, I still think it's sweet.

It sucks though, cos you get all these stupid ideas that probably will never happen.

LOVE,

9:14 PM

Hello All!

Sometimes I like my new, shorter, layered hair. It's all frizzy, I know, but I'm doing something about that.

But sometimes, I miss my long, thick curls. They were quite heavy, sometimes quite cumbersome, but they seemed prettier.

First, though, I need to get my hair non-frizzy. It's really pissing me off. It was so nice at year end, but I went to the Great Barrier Reef&kept swimming&under the hot sun&stuff, &the stupid hair went back to it's frizzy state.

Piss Me Off.
Crap, this whole thing is about my hair. It was just on my mind, so I typed it out, &here it is.

LOVE,

11:11 PM

Brilliant.

Cafe Conversations(:
I'm beginning to find the little joys in life, in school, in particular. I don't know how long this positivity and optimism will last, but until it ends, I see no reason why I shouldn't make full use of it.

Willpower;
I can do whatever I set my mind to, I so can. Okay I can't fly, which is something I've always wanted to do, besides becoming invisible at will, but I've made peace with these limitations.
Anyway, I can do this. Until something happens, if something actually happens (the sceptic in me just snorted), this is the right choice&I will stick to it.
Or, at least, I will try.

&the MSAs? Screw them, my life won't end.

I have this nagging feeling that I've forgotten to write something that I wanted to write about.

LOVE,

10:49 PM

because sometimes, life isn't as bad as it's made out to be.

To the people that saw me through yesterday, I love love you (: I know my family will probably never read this, but I really love them to bits no matter how dysfunctional they are. Dad had to wake up though he was all tired&sleepy, Mum was all concerned as usual, &even my brother, who almost never outrightly shows care, checked up on me today. It's all really really sweet, &I'm truly blessed(:

Neha's Birthday Surprise today was really fun! I know, I absolutely suck at trying to stall her&all, but whatever, it was fun. I do think it's the first time the entire class has been out together, even if it's still within Potong Pasir. I hope I don't look ridiculous in the video that Yiqi took, cos it's going to be used in the class video at the end of the year.

Asraf Asyraf Mas Dee, when in the world are we going out??

LOVE,

7:08 PM

So few things make me happy nowadays. Shauna told me she lost the ability to laugh, the best she can do is smile, &I totally get that. Recently, I smile&laugh out of habit more than anything else, &cos if I don't, I just might explode. Happiness now comes in fleeting moments, gone before you can properly immerse yourself in it. It almost makes you wish Joy came in bottles, sold on shelves. Almost.

This year's been shit, &I don't see it getting any better. I need some form of release, an escape. If only I could rewind life, go back to secondary school times, I would. It's been two years, &it seems like I haven't been able to move on.

To my Sec. Sch buddies- Mas, Dee, Asraf&Asyraf, thank you for not giving up on me. I know I rant&rave at you guys when you're all trying to be supportive, but I seriously appreciate those little bites of confidence that you all have in me, it's really heartening. I'm so so so sorry that I'm such a wet blanket most of the time when I talk to you guys, but I swear I treasure all of you cos I think I would die if I didn't have you guys around me. You all remind me that the most important thing in life is to be happy, &when I'm with you guys, happiness stops being elusive. Asraf will cringe if he reads this, but whatever, I LOVE YOU ALL.

To my fellow sufferers in JC, ah well, what can I say. When we all pull through this year (look at that hopeful optimism), we shall celebrate. I propose the burning of our notes (only our notes, Kell, no books I promise) once our A Levels are over.

Okay, special note time-
Kells, I know you're really stressed&everything, &I may not always pick up on it nor know exactly how to perk you up, but know that no matter what, Neha&I are here for you. We love you even if you shout at us or pelt polo at our faces (though I prefer if you not do that, polo's quite hard). &you know I'm up for ice-cream breaks anytime you need to chill out! Provided we find a place that has fat-free ice-cream, in accordance to Neha's forced diet. If you just need to talk, just if, I'm here too. I have the capacity to be serious, I really do, even if I prefer not to show it often. Love you baby(:

to my more hidden friends, like Zul, Hanis, Schazwan&Zacho, you're not forgotten(: Armed with your special brand of eccentricity, you guys are important to me too!

LOVE,

8:34 PM

New Year, New Rules.

New Principal, New Torture.

New CT, New Fear.

So much for Progress,

I'd rather Rewind.

Wanted:

Release.

LOVE,

1:04 PM

Today was an interesting day.

1. Spotcheck was stupid, took so effing long. People in Miss K's class should be allowed to skip spotchecks, since everyday is a spotcheck when you're in her class.

2. Despite not getting B&above for Chinese, I am still exempted from lessons! That seriously brought me ultimate joy.

(The sight outside Popular was an additional laugh, too.)

3. Watched the J1s as they got ready for the finale. I really wanted to join them, until Dan told us that their Disco Night may be held in the CC, which is ridiculous.

4. Long-lost twins&newfound friends. My body spared me a heart attack, but gave me aches in the stomach&cheeks whilst laughing about it with Neha&Lav.

First Friday

of 2008

LOVE,

7:29 PM

Watching the J1s in their various different colours,
running around the track playing games (some of which look very familiar),
going to the Cafe (Kaf?) &basically choking it up with their numbers,
cheering like mad people,
making new friends with people from other schools,
the various cliques of boys-school-boys who try to meet up during breaks,
the laughter, togetherness and absolute abandon,

makes me miss OG2.

-

School's been a drag so far. Apart from meeting people that I haven't seen for a long time&subsequently being reminded of their eccentricities (most of which, I absolutely adore cos it's what makes people fun), everything's been, for lack of a better word,
pfft.

Miss K, surprisingly, has not been horribly terrifying (yet). SEA History was rather freaky what with big-eyed stares&constant threats of metaphorical murder, but that's too be expected. International History was surprisingly mild, no small-eyed death-squints or finger-wagging yet. Literature teachers are trying to intimidate us by sending people out of lectures&threats of barring people from tutorials&stuff along that line. Maths was a laugh, as it always has been- I mean, seriously, certificates of attendance/cute squeeze/warped frowny faces? Econs remains to be seen.

-

I need my bestfriends&sometimes I really wish they could be physically next to me 24hours, so I'll feel safer&less lost. But that's ridiculous&totally selfish. Lucky for me though, they're there 24hours(metaphorically, of course. They can't be expected to pick up the phone&reply me immediately) via handphone.

I Love Mas, I Love Dee(((:
&they had better know it

LOVE,

10:44 PM

HAPPY NEW YEAR(:

(2008)

spent the last day of 2007 with my bestfriend Dinah Farahdinah(:

Mastura couldn't make it though ):

tickets to the Countdown@Vivocity courtesy of Hanis Kamis who's supposed to be online&sending me songs now but isn't because his cousin is using it.

By Definition

Ash is so hot, seriously.

&the band as a whole, is wonderful. they really know how to work a crowd&the music they pump out is so good. sometimes it even seemed like they played it better than the original.

Dee, who was having stomach cramps cos we skipped dinner (needed to get good seats, see) only revived when they came on stage.

Sugarettes&Shauna Simon

they sound much better live than when they were on Live the Dream. Shauna really has a big voice, like woah. &not to mention a perfect petite body. how annoying is that right?

Revalina

the two in lighter pink are Hanis' two youngest brothers. they looked half-scared, half-excited when they got on stage- extremely pinch-cheeks adorable! the middle dude in Revalina is Hanis' cousin, which is why his brothers were playing for them.

A lot of different people,

the first picture was the finale for the night.

the second was at the beginning of the night.

By Def had three different outfits throughout the whole event.

Rachel&Dinah

my bestfriend(:

changed location of scarf thingy: neck-head-neck because too many people were using scarves too&i didn't want to look like them, then later it got cold.

Dee stayed over at my place, which was cool. but i exhausted cos i didn't get cramps like she did, so, unlike her, i was screaming throughout the night. but it was fun nonetheless, cos my bestfriend's there, it can't be helped.

2007;

thank you for the memories, good or bad, they are treasured for there will never be another moment like it.

2008;

Surprise Me.

LOVE,

10:04 PM